Research consistently shows us that anxiety is actually the result of hidden emotions and fear of conflict. The more we avoid our emotions, like anger, the more anxious we actually feel.

Some Goals of Conflict Resolution Therapy:

  • How to handle difficult people and conversations.
  • Handle anxiety with thoughtfulness -- effectively.
  • For those with denied anger, the courage to stand up for yourself and express empathy at the same time.
  • How to feel worthy of love.
  • How to cultivate first, and foremost, kindness to ourselves.
  • Self-compassionate people say they are equally kind to themselves and others.
  • What to do when we don’t feel patient or loving
  • How to be patient with all kinds of people; including our family and co-workers
  • Find the confidence to tell the truth
Develop Confidence to Overcome Long- Standing Negative Beliefs and Conditioning

Negative Self-talk:

  • I’m not good enough
  • “People don’t care about me.”
  • Fear of rejection
  • Perfectionism
  • “If I make a mistake I risk rejection”
  • My needs won’t get met
  • What I say isn’t that important

Common Defense Strategies:

  • Addictions to alcohol, substances, relationships, shopping
  • The need to be right
  • Counterattacking
  • Endless explaining or rationalizing
  • Pessimism, cynicism, sarcasm
  • Belittling others and putdowns
  • "I'm already aware of that"
  • Being highly critical
  • Diversion/changing the subject
  • Sudden fatigue or feeling ill
  • Intellectualizing
  • Demanding other people, places or things should be different
By Having The Courage --
Things Do Get Better

Why can’t I seem to feel better? The answer goes back to our beliefs about people, places and things.

Therapy works when it involves a trusting relationship with a therapist who gives you the exact tools to get out of the predicament you are in. While empathy is one key element of therapy, it is not enough alone to single-handedly change your behavior.


If your childhood was filled with uncertainty, disregard, neglect or violence, chances are some of your problems in relationships may stem from wanting to keep people at a distance to determine whether or not people or situations are safe.

Finding the Capacity to Be Happy and Experience Contentment

The source of anxiety and depression is often unexpressed feelings. The impossible demand that we be "nice" at the expense of ourselves -- leaving us at the risk of anyone truly knowing who we are.

The most common hidden emotions are:

  • We cannot avoid conflicts, it is part of everyday life
  • Release defensive behaviors that no longer work for you
  • Handle conflict with more ease, rather than backing down or reacting defensively
  • What prevents our needs for recognition and understanding for getting met?
  • Finding new effective ways to connect to the familiar and the people in your life
  • Learn how to win The Game of Anger

What is Bids For Connection?

Remedy: Learn your unique attachment style; how does the lack of trust and past hurt determine your interactive style.

Reclaiming: Give yourself a tremendous amount of room to experience empathy and compassion within the context of a caring therapist. Reclaiming the hurt, lost and disowned parts of the self.

Reconnecting to your story that reflects your experience so that you can learn to move beyond the hurt.

Recovery: Going back for the lost parts of ourselves, integrating the hurt, metabolizing the grief.

Replenishment: Finding the dreams behind the conflict. To understand and experience what compassion for the self and others feels like.

Resources: Discover the resources and gifts in our hidden emotions. What would it mean to get past the anger, anxiety and depression and be the beneficiary of your own energy?

Building: Experience love as a feeling -- otherwise it is a commodity that we never can have enough of.

Call Ilene Wolf MFT at 415.263.6744
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